And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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