i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
