Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Randomize
