Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
