To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
