You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
