He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
