3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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