then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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