Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
