$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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