Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
