I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
being pregnant is like rehab
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
