Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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