i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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