one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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