I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
