He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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