If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
