im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
