The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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