Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
