He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
