..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
