i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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