I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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