I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My feet surprised me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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