Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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