Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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