Pants 0. Shit 1.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
