OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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