I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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