and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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