it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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