Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
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I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize