i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
