I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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