Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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