ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
