it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
