He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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