This is not my ceiling
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
