I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
