While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
