Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize