Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
