If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
