OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
