And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
