Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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