i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get the cat blown out
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize