Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
How external is "for external use only"?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
