dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
