Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
