I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
