I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
