The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
