My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I will be naked everywhere
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
