Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
