I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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