addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
