perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
