I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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