Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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