Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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