I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
