Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
