She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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