I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
