it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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