I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
